Question: “I suffer from chronic illness and depression and was put on disability because of it. In other words, I get sick very easily. A couple years ago I had endometrial cancer and the illness has grown worse this past year and 1/2 and the depression too. I recently lost my brother in November which hasn’t helped and living in Alaska and a non-supportive family and ward. Sometimes I don’t even dress until about 2 o’clock and do my housework then! I used to have all kinds of energy and be very social. I also have a bad foot and it hurts to even walk. I was hoping to move to Oregon so I could be in a climate with a lot less winter. The rent is so much cheaper than Alaska and I thought I could at least get a small house with a yard and a bicycle. I know a lot of my depression is from living in Alaska in a remote area with no a lot to do. Plus, I’ve had some people in the ward and area where I live who’ve not been so nice to me, including women living me stranded along the side of the road on the way to the temple, being super rude to me in my callings, etc., etc. Sometimes I don’t even want to go to church anymore. I lived in an awesome ward where I lost a lot of weight, had a very supportive bishop who loved me, and I felt good about myself. Now all I get from my family is–”we can’t stand you, get a life, etc. which doesn’t help at all.”
Answer: I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so. It must be so overwhelming to have the physical challenges and feel like you also don’t have the emotional support from others. It does not sound like you have a lot of support from others. It sounds like you need to lean on a support system that you create; yet the difficulty is that when depressed you likely don’t have the energy or hope to create such a system. My guidance to you is three fold.
Spiritually you’ll need to start reading and praying daily. Getting a good dose of spiritual worship and a clearer sense of who you are and your relationship to God is key. This is first and foremost.
Emotionally you’ll need to begin to deny and not allow your mind to entertain the follies and rudeness that comes from others, family or friends. Don’t allow that to further your depression. When others are ‘off course’ and rude don’t put up with it. Don’t allow your mind to consume and ruminate on their comments. You have to much living to do to allow yourself to deal with their issues and baggage.
Physically you’ve got to get into a structure and start having dailies. Dailies are things you do each day no matter what. Get into a routine that includes dailys that stretch your mind, your body, your spirit. Follow a pattern that gives you stability and ability to predict your day.
Clinically you’d be best served by seeing a therapist. I realize you are in a remote area. I’d recommend a solid book that will help you work through your issues. It would be well worth the purchase, but only if you are serious about leaving the depression behind. The Feeling Good Handbook – David Burns, M.D.
Also, here are some articles you may be interested in reading.
http://tiny.cc/nxDEp , http://tiny.cc/oF8GY, and for a long list of LDS articles go here. You can locate the article list then list of articles. Then go to top of page and go to the official LDS site and obtain the articles.
Question: “This is a multiple question…. We’ve been married over 15 yrs., 5 kids. My husband has been self employed most our marriage and done well until a couple years ago. When the economy changed drastically, so did our lives. We moved 300 miles away to make another venture work and all that seemed to happen was my husband getting depressed. He has never been depressed or anxious until this point. In this time we lived mostly be selling our excess of things or odd jobs but that could only last so long. He was feeling bad for everything and more. My biggest issue is our finances and dealing with the ups and downs of depression and anxiety. It is not my want to be real involved or decisive in money. Yet he is making a lot of bad decisions, some I know and others I think I know. He is just trying to get from one day to another but the choices I feel are making our situation worse. Checking accounts in a bad way etc. our credit is shot from all our previous choices. I don’t feel ingenious enough to get him to get a good job, or find ways to make the money needed to live. I will stress on $ when we are trying to decide on what to do with $ and he says he will make it work (which is saying he wants it and let’s do it and maybe he’ll make it work)….. I hate hearing that. When it comes down to it, he is more stressed and pressured to figure something out. He was suicidal for a while and was seeing a therapist. When he feels overwhelmed he feels that he is going back into that darkness. I am barely hanging on myself and have my own anxiety issues, how am I suppose to continue this way? I get very angry very easily with the situation, dealing with kids and life, etc. Now with the holidays coming and to be “happy” and afford anything for the kids is more pressure coming our way. I know I am babbling, and am randomly just talking, sorry. He did hold a job for awhile but it just felt like we were trying to catch up and never quite there. We have also tried to lessen our outgo of $ each month. We have moved several times in the last 2 yrs and our bills seem to just continue to get behind. We have been doing better going to church but it is our weak area. We both feel with all our bad choices and lack of spirituality in our lives it is never going to get better. He is finally actively working on getting a job that should pay the bills but there are so many things we are behind on, I feel like we are drowning and there is no help to get us afloat. How do we remedy this when with choices he has made or I have made that have caused us and our family so much agony and stress? The financial choices are of Satan and how do we right this? I have so much guilt for allowing it to happen or helping my own self. What can I do to truly find peace? Thank you in advance for any of your time you spend on this. Any answer I feel will make it better.”
