I read it on the Ensign back when it was first published in Jan 2005. It made such an impression on me that five years later I still remember it.

Much love and healing,
LDS Wife

Never a dull moment.

Love,
Lds wife

–Reply
What I meant was that internal beliefs that are not talked about that are often in fact quite strong. For example, a rip tide or current cannot been seen in the ocean or a river but its influence can be felt. Often individuals develop internal messages that are faulty. Those that are abuse often tell me in session, “I am dirty and I am somehow flawed.” That belief fuels other beliefs and they rarely understand that this fixed belief is in fact damaging them and their perceptions. Hope this helps! – JustinS

I had always considered it from the divorce onwards. By the way I probably didn’t write clearly because by saying that I’m bitter and stubborn I meant that that is what I’ve have become since the divorce. Even though I wanted to end the marriage deep down I still have conflicts due to the ‘failure’ of it all, especially when the subject of eternal marriage comes up somewhere. My ex-wife was critical about my personality but it was that I was too laid back and too trusting of her when she looked for others. The times we did speak about it, and I’d question her a lot really, it was always that I had married too young or that I wasn’t looking out or wasn’t vigilant enough to see if she was cheating but trusted her too much etc etc. It always seemed to be my fault in one way or another according to her.

Anyways, thanks again for your answer and the pdf too. It has changed my view on this and I’m feeling better today. With the custody issue we never really had any issue there per se. I file for divorce and it was granted without her participation at all, as it can be done under most no fault divorce systems, but didn’t address any property or custody matters since we had shared custody without any problems. The only thing we’ve argued over since was which high school our oldest would attend but that was settled without courts or mediation. Today my ex is involved romantically with the man who was her stepfather up until a few years ago , and 31 years her senior , so really that relationship is the only problem I have with her today because the kids see it and it affects them negatively offcourse. But both have said that if she marries him then they want to come and live with me, so its a wait and see for now from my viewpoint. But honestly I wouldn’t want to go to court to fight for custody, I’d rather they choose themselves what they want to do and who they want to live with for now. Its been 5 years since the divorce but we were separated almost 2 years before that so we have learned to negotiate ok with the kids as separate parents, I believe.

I, too, have been struggling with issues around my marriage. I married out of what I believe to have been desperation and misapprehension. Are we not all naive? I threw my list of requirements out the window for my spouse believing myself to be showing humility.

I learned from the marriage of my parents, however, not to express undue ill-will towards my husband (ie. telling him I shouldn’t have married him and don’t really like him). I’ve come to believe that ANY marriage would inevitably have its drawbacks and trials. I’ve committed myself to this one. And my spouse of eight years finally seems to be coming around.

Bottom line: Therapy, good. Telling your spouse she was a mistake, bad.

Hope that helps!

You mention a fear of losing family and friends and that your life never being the same if you tell the truth. This thinking is actually backwards and here is why. As individuals hide this addiction it becomes deeper and more difficult to confront. We have seen many people lose their marriages and families as a result of NOT CONFRONTING THIS ADDICTION EARLY ON. You are taking the right steps. Discussing this with a Bishop and/or Mom and Dad may be the thing that actually saves your life in the future. That is ultimately for you to decide.

Take courage that you are on the right path in seeking guidance and counsel. As we cannot tell you what to do or not to do, we have seen that those who discuss this with leaders and seek counseling are the ones that find healing.

Best of luck to you!