Intimacy Struggles, Help!

Question: “Hi. My husband and I have had struggles with intimacy. He wants more frequently and different options, and I have been struggling with getting used to it and feeling like the situation more. We’ve been married for two years, and still have complications in this area. What can I do to help myself feel more comfortable with my husband?”

Answer: I know dealing with intimacy in a marriage can be difficult. I have worked with many couples that are troubled with their ability to connect intimately. Intimacy does  not necessarily mean sex but it does mean bonding, closeness, passion, and connection. A few questions for you to consider. Have you discussed your sexual struggles with your husband? Often tension and fear permeates these situations and couples struggle in silence fearing to discuss the issues openly as they are often afraid they might injure or hurt their spouse. Talking openly and freely about your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions is key to building a strong relationship. If you want to work through the issues talking about them is key. I’d suggest talking to your husband about the nature of his wants/needs with regard to frequency and ‘options’ as you called them. Have you discussed it? How did it go? I am not entirely sure here what you are referencing but my suggestion is that you do some reading and get educated on intimacy and sexuality in the context of a healthy sexual LDS marriage relationship. After reading the article I authored below and the texts you will have a basis and grasp of how to work with your husband. For more immediate help, you can schedule a time to have a phone consultation with me as well.

I suggest you read my online article on this subject, LDS Couples and Sexual Intimacy as well as a previous post for newlyweds on this issue.

I also suggest you read these two books as well. Go buy a copy and start reading, you’ll be glad to did.
1) And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment
2) Purity and Passion, Wendy Watson Nelson, Ph.D.